


Q and the great pumpkin caper

by rosiemadder



Series: The many languages of Q [2]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-29 19:34:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5139929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosiemadder/pseuds/rosiemadder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Q carves pumpkins.  Thats about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Q and the great pumpkin caper

**Author's Note:**

> So last week I was carving pumpkins while sleep deprived and this is what happened.  
> As always not edited, very crackey, if you like things to make sense, please read something else.   
> Feel free to point out huge plot holes (plot whats that?), errors of any other type, I may fix them.

It was getting close to Hallowe'en, the first for James and Q as a couple. For some reason it seemed Q was really getting into the spirit of the spooky day. James didn't understand why, he had never seemed all that into Hallowe'en the years before they got together. Q however seemed to be embracing all that being a part of a couple brought to his life. James had never attended the annual MI6 costume party, he was usually away, this year Q had somehow managed to make sure he was in London for the last week of October. Q promised a great couples costume, and some fantastic sex afterwards if James went along with the costume. Today James had left Q at the converted warehouse they shared, telling Q to catch up on sleep, Q had been monitoring a difficult mission, trying to keep 003 alive, and hadn't slept much in the past week. Q, however had still been speaking in English when James had left him, so he must have gotten a few cat naps in. James knew that Q often lost his English when extremely tired, drunk, or headachy. James wandered in to MI6 headquarters with thoughts of what Q had in mind for costumes, he was kind of hoping for something star wars themed so he could use the lightsaber Q had given him on their 6 month anniversary. James waved at Moneypenny and went in to meet with M.  
Back at home Q tried to sleep, he really did, R had everything under control and there were no important missions to occupy himself with so sleep should have been welcome. Truth be told he had slept 3 hours in the past 48, so maybe he was ok. He didn't need much sleep after all. There was so much to get ready for. Hallowe'en was coming, Q was excited, he had never really thought much of the day before, but now that he had Bond in his life, he was starting to realize that there was so much more to life then work, codeing was no longer the only thing in his life. Further truth be told, Q had really not slept more then 3 hours in the past 60 hours and before that maybe a nap of 2 or 3 hours, he was really heading into the realm of Gaelic, maybe even Klingon. He got to thinking. . . Hallowe'en, decorations, perhaps he should decorate the flat. What should he start with? Hmmm, skeletons? No, a bit in poor taste for spies and boffins who kill people for a living. What said Hallowe'en? Pumpkins! That is what he would do, Jack 'O Lanterns, he would have to call one of the minions at Q branch, hmm minion 12 wasn't busy today, she could bring a few pumpkins, it couldn't be that difficult to carve them, maybe he should ask his minion to bring lots of pumpkins just in case.

James arrived back home many hours later to find the living room covered in what looked like, exploded pumpkins? What was Q up to? In fact where was Q? He looked all over the flat with no luck, with a sinking feeling in his gut he noticed an odd pair of shoes by the door, a particular pair of sneakers with Daleks all over them, that could only mean one thing one of the minions was here. He then heard loud bangs from the direction of Q's lab, he went to investigate. He found a shell shocked, slightly singed minion standing behind the blast barrier. Q it seemed was currently blowing up pumpkins with Alec. Both were covered in pumpkin seeds and guts, and Q's hair was standing at attention. Q didn't seem to notice James had walked in, but Alec did. He just smiled at James and set up another pumpkin that he and Q seemed to be getting ready to shoot. James looked at the cowering minion with a questioning look.

She spoke so quickly it was hard to make sense of, but from what James had understood it went like this. Q had called her and asked for lots of pumpkins for a project, he had said all the pumpkins. So the minion, her name was Cathy, had taken one of the MI6 vans and picked up all the pumpkins the greenhouse had left. Q was pleased and the two of them proceeded to start to gut a few of the pumpkins. Q had quickly decided that gutting the pumpkins was too much hassel and had started to built a simple machine to gut them automatically, hence the pumpkin guts in the living area. They had moved to the main part of the warehouse that was the lab area. She pointed to the conveyor belt with an odd looking machine that was sure enough cutting the top off the pumpkins and gutting them. She then explained that once they were gutted Q had tried to carve a pumpkin, and she pointed out a few very odd looking pumpkins, one had a simple martini glass carved in it, and 007 underneath it. SHe said Q had then decided that such simplistic designs were not worth the time of the "Quartermaster of MI6", she said Q had mumbled something about James deserving more. Q had started to code a pumpkin carving program that would carve with lasers. Sure enough at the end of the conveyor belt a laser was carving much more sophisticated designs into the freshly gutted pumpkins. She showed James the photos and designs that Q had programmed, and some of the finished products. James quite like the pumpkin of M sticking out his tongue. He's not quite sure where Q had dug that one up, but he did have lots of access to all the closed security cameras. At the point a look of fear came across her features, she said once Q had finished programming everything and had started the conveyor belt, Alec had shown up. Q had wondered out loud at what temperature a pumpkin would catch fire, and he and Alec had tried with some of the discarded damaged pumpkins. Q had then wondered if you could blend a pumpkin. They had sent Cathy to get the industrial blender from the kitchen, James noticed the blender in pieces. Cathy had explained apparently you couldn't blend a whole pumpkin so Q had tried to rebuild the blender. He had then lost interest when Alec had started to put grenades in the pumpkins. James had heard enough.

James noticed how manic Q was starting to look, but Q still hadn't noticed James coming in, intent with the shooting of the pumpkins, and with ear protectors on he didn't hear James. James motioned Alec over. "Alec, what language is he speaking?" Alec told him, everything was ok as Q was only at Russian. James feeling better thought it must be fine as if Q was still on earth languages, he must not be completely manic. Just then the minion spoke up, "Uh, Sir, there is no gallifreyan word for pumpkin, or Hallowe'en". She pointed to the present pumpkin being carved with a bunch of swirls all over the entire surface. That pumpkin she said, was being carved with "Trick or Treat" in gallifreyan. See, she said all that writing for two words of Hallowe'en speak, meant that even if Q wanted to speak Gallifreyan he really couldn't, even Vulcan and Klingon didn't have the vocabulary for pumpkin carving. The two agents looked at each other, Alec apologizing to James for not realizing the extent of Q's descent into sleep madness. They looked up and realized Q had since moved over to the work table where he seemed to be trying to build what the three couldn't even begin to imagine. James moved over to the table, slowly, with not sudden movements to spook his lover. He asked Q what he was doing. Q replied with a string of nonsense. James looked to Alec who shook his head, the minion piped in, I think that's Heinlien Martian. James looked at his Q, and asked him quietly to speak in Earth. Q again started, James and Alec looked at each other and took a second, Urdu they both said in unison.

Q said "James, I'm so glad your back, Alec and I have been playing with pumpkins, Alec is my favourite, he is so getting a lightsaber for christmas, but don't tell him, shhhhh its a secret. Do you light the pumpkins? I was going to have the last one say Happy Hallowe'en, but did you know there is no word for Hallowe'en in galefreyian? Maybe I can add to the language, there really should be Hallowe'en in every language. I'm going to build a machine that will toast pumpkin seeds immediately, I don't want to have to wait 30 min to roast them in the oven. Also I have to come up with a self charging light source that will keep the pumpkins lit" At that point Q smiled at James and face planted in the the table fast asleep. James shooed the other two, and told them to go home. Minion 12, Cathy scurried off. Alec laughed at told James he was staying in the guest room. James picked up Q, and carried him to the living area of the building, and gently put his sleeping love to bed, he of course placed Q on the top duvet that could be easily cleaned of the pumpkin bits that still clung to Q. He smiled to himself thinking M really needed a pumpkin in his office, and he planned to bring the carving of M to work the next day.

Alec skipped off to the guest bathroom to shower of the pumpkin guts, whistleing to himself, he was Q's favourite, he was so getting that lightsaber for christmas.

**Author's Note:**

> http://orig06.deviantart.net/c227/f/2011/207/5/c/5c7e7e4f98ad60dfcc2936c5c6f123f6-d41pfem.jpg  
> The picture that Q uses to make the pumpkin of M.


End file.
